Yahe: “Another head blow could’ve killed me”

The IRB have been promoting the importance of concussion management, and if anyone doubted that blows to the head can be a serious matter then the tale of former French captain Marie Alice Yahe deserves wide circulation.

We knew the medical problem that forced Malice's retirement was serious, but we probably did not know quite how serious it was untiltoday's articlein the French edition of BMW Sport Experience.If this can happen to an major international captain as high profile as "Malice", with all the medical support available to her, it should act as a warning to all players about the importance of treating head injuries.

I’m fine, I’m better. I am coming to terms with it. I know that in the end I had no choice - I did not abandon my goal because I wanted to.

Can you tell us about the background to the decision?

It started during the RBS 6 nations this year. I played the third match against Wales and I was then going to continue with the last two. At Marcoussis, in training on the eve of our departure for Scotland, I was practising passes. We were passing very quickly and then, while I am without the ball, my coach sent the ball my way when I wasn't looking. I took it on the head.

I did not feel well. It was weird because a ball is not supposed to cause that. More minutes passed, the more I felt worse. We ended up calling the doctor, who finally arrived a few minutes after I had collapsed...

I had not completely lost consciousness, but it really was not good. There was no trace of impact, it was thought that it might be drop in blood pressure. The girls said it was trivial, I just took a ball to the head. So, the doctor gave me the "concussion protocol" and it turned out that I was actually in concussion. I lost balance, I had felt rising nausea. I had a concussion.

The neurosurgeon referred by the federation came to see me the next day. It was he who said I could not play the last two matches of the tournament, because it was too dangerous given the loss onconsciousnessand my background of concussions the risk was too high. Last September, he had hesitated before he let me play again.

You already had concussion of the same type?

Yes, but stronger! This was the fifth ...

How did the doctors come to the conclusion that your career should stop?

When he returned to my home, the doctor reminded me that he knows my history and it had hesitated to ask me to stop in the aftermath of my previous concussions. When I came round, I also had developed a kind of claustrophobic in elevators for example, anxiety attacks, headaches. It took a long time to get sorted, but it is back to normal.

Every concussion I had was more and more difficult to recover from. On the previous occasion, the headache lasted almost a month and I lost my bearings regularly in space. I then saw a consultant in Toulouse. I underwent further tests and he confirmed that the symptoms were too far from normality. At my last visit, he confirmed to me that it was not for him to say what risks I should take with my life, but as far as he was concerned, rugby was over.

He told me that the brain was a sort of reserve, he could absorb a number of shocks. Me, my reserve was exhausted, and the doctor could not predict what would happen to me if I took another blow to the head. At best, the same result as this last time, but at worst I could not wake up or has severe brain damage...

For the doctors, it was too risky to continue. They even forbade me to practice any contact sport. The doctor of the Federation confirmed the analysis and diagnosis. I had to stop rugby.How did you feel about this?

At first, when it was whispered, I do not want to listen. If the doctors told me that would "only" have severe headaches and nausea if it happened again, I would have continued. I would have taken this risk as a blow to the head does not happen in all matches. And if I was to have headaches until the world cup, I could put up with that. But this was different: I am told there is a real danger of becoming like a "vegetable" - and a higher risk after I am forty. I've never been over-cautious, but, I was required to be, as this time my life was at stake. For Lionel [Beauxis, her partner] and my family, it was unthinkable to continue. They told me: "this time, you do not have the right to do that to us." Everything was collapsing around me. They only thoughts that came to mind were, "this is not fair, why me?" It was very hard.

Today, you have more back from this decision?

Yes today, I can talk, I can think. I know why I did it. What hurt me was to give up. I'd never stopped, I was always achieved my goals. I needed the verdict of doctors to tell me and it was they who took the decision, and that so ultimately, I had no choice. It is they who forbade me. After it happened, I saw the problem, but I did not accept it, and I do not know if I will ever accept. I have no choice. But when I think that I will never wear my shirt again, it's very hard.

Do you have any plans or opportunities for the rest of your career?

Well, I’m looking! I had trouble at first, I thought I existed only through my rugby, not knowing what to do outside. Everything was built around the rugby. But I had been asked to comment on some TV matches in the World Cup. Perhaps I am now might take on the role of a summariser, reviewingmale and female matches in the studio or commentary box? That may be a little narcissistic, but it makes me feel good to think that I might remain relevant to my profession and that it wants me. I like to share my experiences and talk about what I know. So I say, why not?

Will you have any role in the Women's World Cup happens in August in France?

Through the federation, no. If I have a role, it may be as a summariser for television. I have a background that other people do not, I know the women's team, I already played in a world cup. It is important for me not to be with the girls in their preparations. First, because they did not ask me, especially because I think they do not need me. I’m not a player, the girls have a new captain, it is for her to take over, she can do a good job as she has done during the RBS 6 nations. Everyone must take their place, mine is now to encourage, to support, but not from within the group. I do not take a physically part.

What are the key moments that have marked your career?

There are many. My first World cup. And when I played the All Blacks in the semi-final, it was magical, I arrived at my ultimate goal when playing a World Cup. Then there was the first game we played at the Stade de France. Again, it was amazing. The boys played after so there were thousands of spectators who were already there, Its a magical memory. And inevitably, there has been taking on the captaincy. I achieved my goals playing a world cup and I did not know if I would continue to play in another. When I was offered the captaincy, it has set me an even higher goal: to play the next world cup as captain! After that, I could not do better!